Saturday, October 6, 2007

Sorry

I'm sorry I have neglected you all for sooooo long, I sencerly apologize.... now you know how my kids feel!!!!

Soooo I'm working on planning my wedding, finally have a date!!! January 12,2008 is the last day of my life..... WOO HOOO

Some girls plan their wedding from the time they are like born, take my Sister B for instance she was born with a wedding planner in one hand and a guest list in the other.... definately not me.

And my sister Kelly yea, she was like super procrastinator, my mom was always yelling at her to get shit done for her own wedding!! Again not me...

As for me.... I really don't care, I know what I don't want but have no idea what I actually do want.... I'm not procrastinating either, I want all this shit planned out and done like yesterday so I can relax and go tanning after work and not have to worry about a damn thing until I go find out my dress doesn't fit me cuz I've been sitting on my fat ass too much. I actually have to bitch at my mom to help me with shit.

I don't care what kind of tux's they have, I'm not the one who has to wear that crap, I dont' care if they all wear black sweat suits and sneakers..... but if they do where sneakers then they have no reason not to dance all night at the reception.

My girls can pick out whatever kind of dress they want as long as it matches... hell i don't even care if it matches.

I'm the only one I care about looking hot :-p (still don't have a mirror :-( but I do have a webcam now so i just turn it on and i can always watch myself while typing) and as for my huny, I don't care what he wears either as long as he shows us for all i care he can wear his old polyester flame button down shirts from highschool, or his tie-dyed dead shirt....as long as he shows up!!!!

I kinda thought Iwould be bridezilla but yea I'm discovering I'm the opposite, I would have just gone to the JOP but then I would miss the day that is ALL ABOUT ME (and him too I guess) and I do get to dress up and look super gorgeous in front of everyone I know.... hmmm maybe I should invite baby daddy number 1 and number 2 .... yea no.....don't want to have to get blood on my dress!!

I look freaking cute today!!!! I love my webcam!!!!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Friday, August 31, 2007

My darling little boy.....

Yea so as you read in my last post how adorable and sweet my terrible two year old is, this happened last night, thought I should share it with you. Don't let his adorable face (looks just like me :-) fool you he is anything but a sweety:

Last night I am talking online to my fiance (in iraq) and Drake is sitting in the living room watching a movie, or so i think, I look out the door to find that he has discovered a brand new huge container of coffee (he's addicted to coffee, thanks to his father's mother but that's another story...) and he has dumped that brand new container alllllllll over the floor. Wish I had a picture for it. He also had a drink, a little bottle of carbonated lemonade (kid pop) which he had also dumped all over the floor, he was sliding through the pop and coffee yelling "WOOOOO WOOO WOOO" ALLL OVER MY HARD WOOD FLOORS!

He is covered head to toe in coffee... YAY..... so I strip him down and throw his crazy little ass in the tub. he always behaves in the tub cuz he knows I'll take him out if he doesn't. I walk into the other room to get Declan (aka the baby) and change him. Drake is laughing and splashing all is good, until i walk back into the room and find out what he is splashing about.... here's the real fun.

It seems as though my sweet angel can now get in and out of the tub on his own!!! I walk back in to find him plunging the tub... literally... this is what he has in the tub with him:
The toilet plunger
The toilet brush
A package of unopened razors that were on the shelf
3 bath towels
1 of the baby's bibs
1 of my high heeled shoes, and also
he has taken off the lid to the baby shampoo and body wash and dumped them in the tub.

He was standing there with the plunger, plunging the tub.... yea.... and he was also yelling "BUBBLES BUBBLES" hahaha

Why did I have kids again?
If someone would have actually explained the terrible two's to me there is no way in HELL I WOULD HAVE HAD KIDS!?!?! So for all you parents of teenagers just share with them this story and it will ensure you are not a young grandmother/father.... I promise.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

THURSDAY THIRTEEN NUMBER 2 (yes i finally remembered what day it was!)


Thirteen things that make me wonder if my son is the antichrist.....DRAKE, age 2,


1.

Enough Said I believe

2. His little brother starts screaming i run into the room and find the baby (11 mo old) laying on the floor screaming I ask Drake what happened he says "he fell" and as he is saying this he motions like he pushed him. I say "did you push your brother" he laughs looks straight at me, no shame at all and says "YES! I push, he fall down."

3. Declan is 2.5 months old, I hear drake laughing and the baby is quiet so i sneak around the corner to peak at what drake is doing, Drake is singing and dancing for the baby and the baby is smiling and cooing. Drake see's me, stops, looks at the baby disgusted, and kicks him in the head.

4. Drake also likes to step on the babies head. (I'm surprised Declan has made it to 11 months old)

5. I was once woken up at 6 am by drake puring dr. pepper over my head. "MORNING MOMMY, DRINK POPPY!!!!"

6. He thinks it's fun to dump liquid (pop, water, anything) onto the floor and slide around through it, especially after he's already had his bath, and he yells "wooo... woooooo woooooo" the whole time.... some say it's cute and to those people I say you come clean it up while one child is sliding through it and the other one is crawling through it on hands and knees sliding, crying, and then laying in it. Cute my ass....

7. When asked if he is allowed to hit mommy, he replies "yes" and rolls his eyes like duh, how dumb of me.

8. Once I felt him poking me with something, I turn to see he has reached across the counter somehow knocked the sissors down and is now stabbing me in the side with them.

9. When asking for anything, he starts growling, and yelling for it, if you say yes and don't move fast enough, well lord help you. (Sounds kinda demonic, almost like satans voice on south park)

10. He falls all over everything, so hard you know any other person would get knocked out over it, but him he just laughs and laughs rolls his eyes into his head laughs some more... very frightening. (Kinda like how they say the antichrist dies and comes back to life, only worse, cuz drake never stops, not even to pass out)

11. I ask him if he wants to go to church and he screams and cries and clings to my leg yelling " NO MOMMY NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" (See already a fear of churches at age 2)

12. He tells me damnit and calls me a bitch at two. (I didn't teach him that, must be the devil!!! or my mom)

13. Despite everything else on this list he still is loved by everyone. (The antichrist is also a very loved person)

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Always the bridesmaid, soon to be the bride....

The Maid of Honor

Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLM)

The Maid of Honor

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...so you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Bitches driving...

Okay I found this on some site, and I like it, it goes well with my last entry...

I was riding to work yesterdy when I observed a femal driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does antyhing to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way everyday to work
That's 96 miles a day
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper to bumper.
Most of the bumper to bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females 1 in 28 has PMS
that 642
According to cosmopolitan 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding
thats 449
According to the National Institute of Health 22% of all females ahve seriously considered suicide or homicide
thats 98
and 34% describe men as their biggest problem
thats 33
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so..


Oh and just so you know I'm probably that 1 crazy woman... DON'T FUCK WITH ME PEOPLE!

ASSHOLES!!!

Okay so I leave like 10 minutes late for work, I run to the day care drop my youngest son off, drive around to the other building to drop my oldest son off, (two different building for the damn daycare, just to make it a pain in my ass) My oldest clings to my leg and screams no mommy no... it takes 5 minutes of me trying to pry him off me before one of the workers decides to stop watching this and actually help... dumb bitch. I go to the store behind the daycare and grab a coffee and a pop for later, I'm now 30 minutes late.

I get out on main street, after waiting FOR EVER!! I'm going up main street hill. now mainstreet is a two lane hill and then it turns to one lane at the top, and almost immediately afterwards there is a stop light. So even bigger pain in the ass in the morning traffic. Well anyways i'm in the right lane following a line of cars bumper to bumper, one lady a few cars back decides she's too fucking good to wait in line like the rest of us, speeds up til the very end of the left lane and then tries to swerve into the right lane, obviously she is blind in her red fucking durango cuz I'm sitting there right beside her when she almost side swipes me....I fucking dump burning hot coffee onto my lap, FUCKING BITCH! (advice for some of you, CHECK THE LANE NEXT TO YOU FOR CARS BEFORE attempting to switch lanes.) So once she hears me blowing my horn and screaming out my window she decides instead she is going to just speed up, drive through the median and cut me off.... FUCKING BITCH.
I slam on my breaks, thanking god at this point my kids weren't in the car, almost causing the car behind me to hit me. Thank god again that some of us were paying attention. So this bitch is obviously in a big fucking hurry, well yea she did all that asshole shit just to get the fucking red light right in front of me.

Now I'm pissed, 30 minutes late for work, am now wearing the coffee I haven't even gotten to a sip out of yet, I'm in a total fit of road rage, fighting back the urge to jump from my little white tracker, run up to her red durango punch through the fucking window and drag the big haired bitch from her car and beat the fucking shit out of her right there in the middle of morning traffic..... The only thing that keeps me from doing such an act is the fact that some people would consider that assualt/murder (personally I consider it justifiable, possibly even self defense, if i kill her or at least paralyze her I'm protecting myself, and my kids, and other motorists the next time she's dumb ass). It's all about perception!!!! So instead of draggin her out of her car. I keep honking my horn, flipping her off and screaming out the window to fucking pull her head out of her ass and pay attention to everyone else around.... yea okay so I said a little more than that, but I don't want to repeat that, I was in a fit of road rage, and it's jut not appropriate language to be repeating......

So moral of the story:

Don't drive like a dumb ass or someone like me is going to fucking kill you!

I feel much better now....

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Shower Scene

So it's like 10 o clock at night, I've been late to work every day this week, and I haven't heard from James for a little while, I'm stressed, worried, tired and just ready to relax...

Finally all the kids are in bed, I have managed to clear a path to the bathroom through the toys, crayons, paper (I usually let Drake color on the bills... that way when I'm late on my payments at least they think I took the time to decorate the bill....) and other misc. things...

I light some candles, get undressed and lean into the tub to turn the water on.... and then I see it...... I small spider just sitting inside the tub on the other side... ICK.... so I get a baby shoe (aka my spider crusher) and I lean back in and then I look to back far side of the tub and see him... THIS HUGE UGLY BLACK HAIRY SPIDER.... I'm talking like HUGE! (okay soo maybe not like tarantula big but huge nontheless.....) now I'm terrified.... I can't just leave them there they could crawl out and eat me in my sleep!!! I cant' squash him with my kids shoe cuz then I would have to lean that far over without falling into the tub with him (i'm not very graceful) so I run to the kitchen to grab ...... FURNITURE POLISH ( why furniture polish? cuz I dont use hairspray and nothing else sprays that far away) only to find out that I'm all out... must have used the whole economy size on last weeks spiders.... okay time to improvise... I found some Upholestry cleaner... yea that will work....

I grab it and look up to find that I'm naked standing in my kitchen and there are no blinds on the door to the left of me and the kitchen windows blind are open right in front of me.... oopppsss..... hopefully no one saw me!!!

Anyways, back to the mission at hand... .I run back into the bathroom (guys don't get any images it's not like the baywatch run.. I'm flat as a board so there is no exciting bouncing going on) and i spray the little spider first... that way if it doesn't work I don't just piss off the HUGE one. It seems to work quite well he curls up in the white foam and just lays there for a few minutes... so then I spray the FREAKIN HUGE one... and it seems to do the trick, but just incase I keep spraying for a few more moments.... just to make sure ya know. All seems good, I'm a little freaked out but managed to get this far without crying... YAY ME....
So i grab a cup of water to wash them down the drain... all is going well until........ DUM DA DUM...

THE FREAKIN HUGE SPIDER CLIMBS BACK OUT OF THE DRAIN!!! OMG it's like my worst nightmare come to life... now i'm crying...... crying... crying....crying..... sobbing... curled in a little ball on the other side of the room.... (at least until i remember that there was a spider there the toher day and there could be more...)

I decide if I can make it through Army basic training I should be able to kill a damn spider in my bathtub.... with the new "army of one" attitude I get up and spray the fucking spider again.... okay yea so I'm fighting back the tears the whole time, and a small part of me is thinking.. aww that poor thing must be soo scared (after I had kids everything became all mushy and sad, and scared...) then I remind myself that it is the enemy and if he wouldn't have found his way into my bathroom I wouldn't have to do this too him (yea I believe I may over analyze just a bit...)
so I spray probalby 1/4 of the can into the tub... I wonder if it counts as cleaning the tub... hmmm anways (sorry for the add moment) and then I wash him down again, watching for a full 5 minutes to make sure he doesn't climb back out, at this point I was thinking of turnign on the water in the tub to rinse him down instead of taking the cup to the sink, but then I would have to reach into the tub and he could jump out of the drain and eat my hand off....

So no shower for me last night... although I did stare at the tub at least 10 more times before going to bed... Just in case.....

And needless to say, I was late for work the next morning cuz I couldn't sleep after the spider thing for another 3 hours and then i had to get a shower in the morning......
Pathetic I know.... But even worse, you just wasted five minutes of your life that you will never get back reading this blog... way to go...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Kids....


Drake 2 yrs old ^
Declan 10 months old ^

having kids is definately not what I thought it would be.... It's like babysitting, only their parents NEVER come back so you are like responsible for everything, including teaching them to be a decent person....




I hate to cook.....If I would have known when I got prego with the first one that after a year you have to actually make them food... I soo would have sold him on ebay.... and now the time is coming where the youngest one wants to eat real food too... I thought you just gave them baby food for like 4-5 years.... god... this is aweful, Maybe I should put a mirror above the stove, and then you wouldn't be able to stop me from cooking hahahahahahha......




But they are pretty damn cute...

When Sloth meets vanity....

Okay so yea I broke my damn full length mirror a few weeks ago. :-( (not worried bout the 7 yrs bad luck, more worried about my face)..... I'm going through withdrawls.... I have another mirror but it's above my bathroom sink, which means i would have to STAND UP! and then WALK over to it too look at myself..... waaaaayyyy tooo much work.....ug which means I either have to stop being lazy and go look at myself, or I have to stop being lazy and go to the store... either way things are not looking so good for me.... why is life sooo hard???

Thursday, August 9, 2007

You're sooo VAIN

You know those girls you run into in public bathrooms that are like 17 and they are all talkin abotu how cute they are and fixing their hair and makeup and all that.... They are soo annoying right?

Well yea I am SOOOO one of them....

I love looking at myself. I'm one of those people that purposely walks out of their way just to look in a store window so they can see their reflection. I rarely ever wear makeup and my hair is always a mess so it's not really that i think I'm gorgeous and need to look all the time. It's more of an obsession. I used to have a full length mirror in my apartment that hung on the door in my bathroom, yea I took it down and put it in the living room so if I was watching tv or playing on my computer I could look at myself. I just need to be able to see myself...
I had this ex b/f that was really vain he always looked at himself in the mirrors at restaurants and stuff... which was funny cuz as hot as he thought he was, I never was looking at him, I was usually looking over his shoulder at the mirror to watch myself talk.... It was a great relationship as long as there was a mirror around to entertain me while he was going on and on and on about how great he was. He loved that I was such a good listener.... yea whatever buddy....
Funny thing is I hate to get compliments, they make me uncomfortable, I hate them. I also don't think I'm all that pretty or anything I just NEED to look.... yea so then I take this quiz to post on my myspace called "seven deadly sins which one are you" and I scored vanity (this was before I realized how vain I am) I was kinda upset I scored that I didn't really realize that I looked in the mriror that much until after I took that quiz.... I used to try to hide it too.. If i'm riding in a car I pretend I'm looking out the car window and really I'm just looking in the side mirror.... But now I am embracing this vanity thing and I dont' try to hide it now I just pull down the visor and stare at myself....
Oh and the best thing, my son Drake looks just like me!! So it's like staring at a mini me... it's great... as for my son Declan he doesnt look like me at all (except eye color) but it's okay I still love him :-p (Declan is the only one that is nice to me, Drake has my attitude of "go get me some food or some cookies and then back off)

Thursday Thirteen #1


Thirteen Things about ADD


1 I'm not a morning person, I'm not an afternoon person, and I'm not an evening person, I'm a middle of the night passed out cold kinda person
2 I hate people. Everyone annoys me. For no reason at all. That's why I'm starting this blog I like it better when I get to talk all about me and then when someone responds I can just shut the window.....
3 I love my kids, although I think people who work at daycare centers are scary... You couldn't pay me enough to stay locked in a room with 10 2yr olds... I'd rather be locked in prison with 100 violent criminals.....
4 I'm completely paranoid.... when I go outside to have a smoke I im someone to tell them if i'm not back in 10 minutes I've been kidnapped someone come get the kids....
5 I hate the phone. HATE!!! I hate when people call me, I hate when I have to call someone, and i'm add on the phone, most of the time i'm not listening (especially if there is a mirror in front of me...)
6 I'm obsessed with chapstick, I have at least 10 .... or else I used to before my 2 year old realized it fits in the toilet and when you pull the handle it dissapears...... YAY!!!
7 I love only half of my family, the other half could catch on fire right in front of me and i probably wouldn't even look up from my mirror to ask if they are alright.... yea I know I'm a bitch
8 I am a non practicing clean freak, I hate staring at my messy house, so instead i have a mirror, or the computer monitor... I'm also passing this on to my child, when he spills something he jsut grabs a shirt from the laundry and wipes it up and throws it back in the corner... such a good boy!!! some people should have kids.. I may be one of those people....
9 I'm a master procrastinator. I totally rock at it... after 22 years of practicing I got it perfect. I have a ton of stuff to take care of and I guess I'll get to it tomorrow... or the next day or the next or the next... get the point? (eventually I may be able to get my mom to do it for me...)
10 I am terrified of spiders. I see one and if it's crawling towards me or my children I will pick them up and run, if it's not I curl up in a ball and cry, and then I itch and freak out for a few hours... I can't even kill them, although since my current and last apartment have been infested with them as well as my work place I've managed to kill a few with a shoe, fly swatter, vacumn, and few cans of furniture polish...... and then I cry.....
11 I'm afraid of paper towels. I can't touch them. They make me sick, My kids arent' allowed to play with paper either because if they scratch their nails against it I gag. Seriously it's freakish I know but I'm terrified.....
12 I'm currently working on getting over my fear of shorts.... I havent' worn them in years (well other than when i was prego but that's only cuz I coudln't see my own legs so it didnt bother me) and now my legs are soo white I'm afraid when I get into my car the sunlight will reflect off of them and blind one of the passing cars and they will wreck into me....
13 For as vain as i am, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO vain I'm tired of thinking about myself so I'm going to go look in the mirror, I like looking at myself better than thinking about myself..... not as much mental strain...



Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


yea okay

Yea so this is my first blog, just so you don't waste your time reading this, it's not worth it. I promised my sister and mom I would start blogging I guess they think that my life is soo pathetic it would be funny to you all (either that or they are just trying to tell me their tired of my bitching!!!)

So I've been sitting here for two days trying to think of something funny to say, and decided maybe I should just carry a tape recorder around with me and record all the funny shit I say on a daily basis.... but then I would have to go buy a recorder, yea I'm lazy.... so I guess I'll just sit here some more and wait for something funny to "hit" me..... sitting around suits my style better.....